Why Do I Never Feel Good Enough? How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Worth
The Weight of Never Feeling Good Enough
You wake up already feeling behind. No matter how much you accomplish, there’s a voice in your mind whispering, It’s not enough. You’re not enough. At work, you push yourself harder than everyone else, afraid that if you slow down, people will see you as a fraud. At home, you feel the pressure to be the perfect parent, partner, or friend, but no matter how much you do, guilt and self-doubt creep in.
You constantly compare yourself to others. Why does she have it all together, and I don’t? Why do I feel like I have to prove my worth every single day? You replay conversations in your head, worrying you said the wrong thing. You overanalyze your appearance, your parenting, and your success—or lack of it.
At the core of all this? A deep-rooted belief: I am not good enough.
I’m sure you are wondering how I developed this belief. Why do I constantly talk down to myself, thinking everyone else is so much better than I am? I want you to know that this common belief plagues many women. You are not alone in this. I will give you some insight into how this belief started, how it impacts your adult life, and how Brainspotting therapy could be the relief you seek.
Where Does This Belief Start?
Feeling like you’re never good enough doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s planted early, often in childhood. The way our parent figures treated us, whether they were emotionally available or not, shaped how we see ourselves today.
How Childhood Messages Shape Your Self-Worth
Were your parent figures emotionally distant? If they struggled to express love, support, or encouragement, you may have learned that your emotions weren’t important.
Did they have impossible standards? Maybe you were expected to be the best in school, sports, or even with your chores. If you fell short, even slightly, you felt their disappointment.
Were they critical of your appearance, personality traits, or abilities? You might have internalized their words, turning them into your own harsh inner critic.
Did you have to earn love and approval? If affection only came when you performed well, you learned that worth is conditional.
The Lasting Impact of Childhood Messages
These messages—whether spoken outright or implied—shape how we see ourselves. If your worth was measured by what you did rather than who you were, it’s no wonder you feel like you’re never enough. As a child, you may have learned that making mistakes meant you were unworthy. That your emotions were “too much” or “not valid.” That love had to be earned through perfection.
And as an adult? These wounds don’t just go away. They show up in how you think, how you feel, and how you navigate life.
How Childhood Wounds Shape Your Adult Life
Your Inner Voice Becomes Your Harshest Critic
That voice from childhood telling you to be better? It’s still there. Only now, it’s disguised as your own thoughts. You second-guess yourself constantly. You downplay your achievements. You struggle to take compliments because, deep down, you don’t believe you deserve them.
You might hear this voice when:
You mess up at work and immediately think, I knew I wasn’t good enough for this job.
You look in the mirror and pick apart your appearance, convinced you’ll never measure up.
You parent your kids and worry that every mistake will ruin them, just like your parents made you feel.
Imposter Syndrome Runs Your Life
At work, you fear being “found out.” Even though you’re capable, you feel like you don’t truly belong. You dismiss your success as luck rather than skill. The anxiety of not being enough keeps you overworking, over-preparing, and overthinking.
You might tell yourself:
They’re going to realize I don’t belong here.
I just got lucky. I don’t actually deserve this.
Everyone else seems more confident and put together than me.
It Affects Your Relationships
If you don’t believe you’re enough, it impacts your relationships. You may settle for partners who don’t treat you well, thinking that’s all you deserve. Or maybe you constantly seek validation, afraid that people will leave if you stop proving your worth.
And if you’re a parent? That same pressure to be perfect can transfer to your children. You might fear passing on your own wounds, but without healing, the cycle can continue.
The Never-Ending Search for More
Feeling like you’re not enough can lead to an endless search for something to fill the void. More achievements. More money. More clothes, makeup, or home decor. But no matter how much you buy or achieve, it never truly satisfies that deep-rooted emptiness.
What is Brainspotting Therapy?
If the belief I am not good enough is rooted in trauma (which it typically is), then healing that trauma is key to freeing yourself from this burden. That’s where Brainspotting therapy comes in.
Brainspotting is a powerful therapy that helps you process and release trauma stored in your body and nervous system. It’s based on the idea that where you look affects how you feel. By identifying “brainspots”—specific eye positions that link to unresolved trauma—you can access and heal the deep wounds that keep you stuck in feelings of unworthiness.
How Brainspotting Therapy Works
Your brain naturally stores trauma in areas beyond conscious awareness. Brainspotting allows you to access these deeper layers by using:
Eye positions that connect to unprocessed trauma
Mind-body awareness to notice where you feel emotions physically
Gentle guidance to help process and release stuck pain
How Brainspotting Therapy Can Help You Heal
Releasing Trauma Stored in the Body
When we experience emotional wounds, they don’t just exist in our minds—they live in our bodies. Brainspotting allows you to access and release the stored pain that traditional talk therapy might not reach.
Healing at the Nervous System Level
Trauma impacts your nervous system, keeping you in a state of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or shut down. Brainspotting helps regulate your nervous system, shifting you from survivor mode into a calm and connected state.
Rewiring the Belief That You’re Not Good Enough
By working with brainspots connected to past experiences, Brainspotting helps you process and release the emotional charge around them. Over time, the belief I am not good enough starts to lose its grip, making room for self-compassion, confidence, and a true sense of worth.
Real-Life Impact of Brainspotting Therapy
Many people who go through Brainspotting therapy notice profound shifts in their lives. They:
Feel more confident in their decisions
Stop seeking validation from others
Develop healthier relationships
Experience less anxiety and self-doubt
Finally believe they are worthy of love and success
Reclaiming Your Worth Starts Here
You don’t have to live the rest of your life feeling like you’re not enough. Healing is possible. With Brainspotting therapy, you can finally release the weight of past wounds and step into a life where you genuinely believe in your worth.
If you’re ready to let go of the pain holding you back, I’m here to help. As a Brainspotting therapist, I specialize in helping women heal from deep-seated trauma and self-doubt.
Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s take the first step toward healing together.
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Jarae Swanstrom is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor practicing online throughout Idaho. She believes in a holistic approach to therapy, focusing on healing the whole body. Jarae helps women heal trauma, disordered eating, and negative body image. Learn more about Jarae or schedule a free consultation at mountainrivertherapy.com.
