Why Women Struggle with Perfectionism and Body Image

If you’re anything like me, you have or currently are on a mission to meet the societal standard of the “ideal” body type for women. The ideal body type will make us pretty, fit, happy, successful, and loved. Maybe you scroll through your favorite influencer’s social media account to see what she’s doing to get that  “perfect” body. You spend hours trying to mimic exactly what she or other “perfect bodiers” are doing. You obsess over your body, how you look, the food you eat, how much you exercise, and so on. But regardless of the effort or time you put in trying to perfect yourself, you still look at yourself in the mirror with disgust and shame, and you still don’t feel good enough.

If this is you, as it was me, I want you to know this struggle is real and is not your fault! I am going to open your mind to a different reality, one that acknowledges the influences in your life that were out of your control and led to perfectionism and a negative body image. I am going to share the connection between perfectionism and trauma, how diet culture and social media feed into this struggle, and how the “ideal woman’s body” has changed over the years. Most importantly, I will share some tips to help you heal from this desire to chase the “perfect” body type and start loving your body as it is. As a trauma therapist in Idaho who focuses on helping women heal from trauma, disordered eating, and negative body image, I want you to know it is possible to free yourself from the burden of diet culture and love your natural body, curves and all!

Perfectionism as a Coping Mechanism for Trauma

If you ever grew up in a household where it felt as though your parent figure's love was conditional and based on your appearance or performance, you likely developed perfectionism as a coping mechanism. Maybe your parental figures gave you more affection and positive praise when you looked a certain way or performed well in sports or at a musical event. This taught you that being “perfect” meant love and acceptance. So you began striving for it in every way possible. You became hyperfocused on your image, how you look, your body type, the food you eat, your grades, your job, and the list goes on and on.  

Perfectionism is a trauma response to past childhood wounds. For many women, striving for perfection becomes a way to cope with those difficult experiences. Trauma can lead to a dysregulated nervous system, which leaves you feeling on edge, unsafe, or out of control. In response to this, many women will turn to perfectionism as a way to feel more in control of their lives. 

This need for control frequently spills over into body image. Focusing on and trying to “perfect” your body, diet, and exercise routines might make you feel like you can manage the chaos inside. However, perfectionism can be utterly exhausting and impossible to sustain. Healing your trauma with approaches like EMDR therapy and intuitive eating is a powerful tool to help you overcome this cycle and learn to feel safe in your own skin again.

The Influence of Diet Culture and Social Media

Diet culture and social media have greatly influenced a woman’s desire to look a specific way. Diet culture has taught us that being thin equates to worthiness, while social media bombards us with edited, filtered versions of reality. The combination creates an unattainable standard for women, making us believe we must strive for this “perfect” image. 

Seeing constant images of “ideal” bodies online, coupled with the messages of diet culture that promote thinness at any cost, makes many women feel inadequate. This desire to fit into societal ideals feeds into perfectionism and often exacerbates negative feelings toward our bodies. Healing from diet culture requires awareness of its toxic messaging and getting angry enough to reject the lies it sells. Your body size or shape does not define your worth! You deserve to feel confident and happy in your body as is without feeling like you HAVE to be on a diet or change your appearance to be accepted!

The "Ideal Woman's Body" Has Changed Over Time

Looking back through history, it is easy to see that the ideal body type of a woman has changed dramatically over the years. Before the 1900s, a round, curvy, and plump body was considered ideal and beautiful for women. Then in the early 1920s, a thin body type ideal appeared briefly but was quickly outshined again by the curvier Marilyn Monroe types. It wasn’t until the late 1900s when supermodel extreme thinness became the ideal, followed by, more recently, the “fit and toned” body type, with an emphasis on flat stomachs and large hips, has been popularized.

These shifting standards highlight that what society deems "perfect" constantly changes. That a woman’s natural body size is considered beautiful in one era and “unacceptable” in another. This begs the question of whether the size of a woman’s body equates to health or some made-up standard ideal. And if it doesn’t equate to health, how much trauma are we invoking on a woman as she tries to meet a standard that doesn’t align with her natural body type? Trying to fit into these molds is not only impossible but harmful. You CAN break free from this cycle by focusing on what feels good in your own body instead of chasing an ever-changing ideal.

Tips to Overcome Perfectionism and Heal Your Body Image

You don’t have to be stuck in the perfectionism trap forever. Here are a few tips to help you overcome perfectionism and improve your relationship with your body:

Heal Your Trauma with EMDR Therapy: Healing trauma is vital to overcoming perfectionism. EMDR therapy is an evidence-based modality that can help you release the trauma that fuels the need for control over your body and your life. By processing these past experiences, you can change the patterns that have kept you stuck in a cycle of perfectionism and self-criticism. EMDR therapy works by helping you reprocess traumatic memories, allowing you to view them with a new perspective without the emotional charge that once overwhelmed you. 

Get Angry at Diet Culture: Realizing how diet culture manipulates women into feeling inadequate can be a powerful first step in rejecting it. Get mad at the industry that profits from your insecurities, and choose to stop engaging in diet culture’s harmful practices. Start by unfollowing social media accounts, influencers, and brands that push unrealistic body standards and make you feel like you're not enough. Surround yourself with more body-positive content that celebrates diversity and promotes self-acceptance.

Next, challenge the language of diet culture in your everyday life. When you catch yourself or others talking about "good" or "bad" foods, stop and reframe it. Remind yourself that your value as a person is not tied to what you eat or how you look.

And finally, educate yourself on the harm that diet culture inflicts on mental and physical health. The more you understand how diet culture thrives on keeping women in a cycle of shame and disordered eating, the easier it becomes to stand up against it. Replace restrictive, guilt-inducing habits with practices that nourish your body and mind, like intuitive eating, self-care, and joyful movement.

Practice Gratitude: Shifting your focus to gratitude can help you break the cycle of self-criticism. Instead of fixating on what you don’t like about your body, practice gratitude for what your body does for you every day. Start small by thanking your body for simple things like carrying you through your day, giving you the strength to hug your loved ones, or allowing you to experience life’s joys—like laughing with friends or enjoying a walk outside.

As you create gratitude, try to shift the focus from your appearance to the functions of your body. Appreciate your legs for taking you where you need to go, your hands for allowing you to create, cook, or care for others, and your heart for working tirelessly to keep you alive. This practice improves body image and nurtures self-compassion, helping you see your body as more than just how it looks.

Embrace Intuitive Eating: Rather than following strict diets or rules, intuitive eating helps you rebuild trust with your body. Begin to tune into your hunger and fullness cues, stopping when you are full and noticing your body's hunger signals. Instead of eating out of habit, stress, or external pressures, you learn to reconnect with your body's needs and desires. Then, allow yourself to be fully present with your food, enjoying each bite’s tastes, textures, and aromas without judgment.

Another helpful aspect of intuitive eating is tuning into how your body feels after meals. Notice how different foods affect your gut, energy levels, and overall mood. This awareness helps you make choices that honor your health while allowing room for enjoyment and flexibility. 

Perfectionism and body image struggles can feel overwhelming, but remember that they are not your fault. Trauma, diet culture, and social media all significantly shape how we view ourselves. When you gain insight into how you use perfectionism as a coping mechanism and take steps to heal, you can break free from these unrealistic standards and start building a healthier relationship with your body. You deserve to feel at peace with yourself, just as you are.

If you’re ready to stop letting trauma and diet culture control your life, I’d love to help you heal. Contact me for a free 15-minute consultation to learn how trauma therapy can help break the cycle of perfectionism and heal your relationship with your body.

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Jarae Swanstrom is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor practicing online throughout Idaho. She believes in a holistic approach to therapy, focusing on healing the whole body. Jarae helps women heal trauma, disordered eating, and negative body image. Learn more about Jarae or schedule a free consultation at mountainrivertherapy.com.